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Media Ho

Confessions of a Media Ho

AMC

Summertime…and the living is…brain dead. Make that the LIVING are brain dead, Scoobies in particular. It’s become a tradition to feature the younger set in the summer, in hopes of luring that important teen demographic to the show. The main problem I have with this is why do they always make them so damn stupid? Were they frightened by a policeman while in their perambulators? How many times must we have to suffer through Scooby stories that center around teens making more trouble from themselves by not immediately reporting a crime? (This applies to GH, too.) This, of course, always makes matters worse for said Scoobies. To borrow their vernacular, gag me.

Ironically, Zach did the right thing by reporting Richie’s corpse to Jesse and the cops and ended up being Jesse’s number one suspect. I’d blame that as much on his flip attitude as on the circumstantial evidence.

How sweet. When Babe first came to town, she taught young Colby how to dress like a slut. Now, years later, she’s helping her prepare for what will surely be a massive hangover. What’s next? “I know your first time was awful, so let me share my secrets of good sex. We’ll turn you from a Chandler to a Carey in no time at all!”

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Richie Novack died because God knows evil when he sees it.” KWAK, how cryptic of you! If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were quoting from Murder on the Orient Express. So many suspects, so many motives…but only one killer in this case.

Speaking of KWAK, I felt goose bumps when she told Jesse how happy she was that he’s in charge at the PVPD, and then thanked Angie for “sharing” him. I thought back to when KWAK was playing kissy-face with Derek, the last police chief. Then I shuddered and thought, “Nah.” Just as quickly, I remembered she’s a Carey woman and shuddered once again. Please let those goose bumps be from my cranking A/C. Please.

Jesse declared Richie “the most hated man in town.” Remind you of anyone? How about Will Cortlandt, reviled murder victim and the center of the excellent “Who Killed Will Cortlandt?” story a number of years back. (The killer turned out to be Janet Green, who did it out of love for Trevor, as Will was using his niece, Hayley as a punching bag.) What a classic! A friend at ABC gave me one of the promotional posters, showing the cast all dressed in trench coats and looking guilty as hell, and one day, when I have a larger media room, I’ll have it properly framed and proudly displayed.

AMC’s writers obviously share my taste in movies, as Aidan’s cue card scene with Greenlee was straight out of Love, Actually. As I always say, if you’re going to steal, steal from the best!

Isn’t it interesting that Janet Green used a crowbar to dispatch Will Cortlandt to the Land of Nod and that the autopsy on Richie showed that he died from “blunt force trauma to the head?” Has Annie been reading back issues of the Pine Valley Bulletin? More important: why not let him change the tire before bludgeoning him? Think of the damage to her manicure!

ALUMNI NEWS
Guess who’s on the cover of this month’s Vanity Fair? Amanda (ex-Joni) Seyfried, who is part of the wonderful ensemble cast of Mamma Mia, in theaters this summer. She plays Meryl Streep’s daughter, and if this movie is as much fun as it was on Broadway, it’ll be this summer’s Hairspray. Young Seyfried is one of very few daytime vets to grace the cover of VF – offhand, I can only think of Christopher Reeve and possibly Tommy Lee Jones, both of whom toiled on OLTL once upon a time. (If any of you can come up with more, please let me know!) Congratulations to Seyfried…a coup like this usually means very good things for one’s career. Who do you think might be the next person from daytime to join the short list?

GH

While Lulu observed Logan beating up Maxie from across the street, didn’t it seem like she wished she could pause the action, make a bowl of microwave popcorn, and then continue watching?

Now that Claudia and the Ditzy Don are dredging up the reason why he sent her away at age 16 – for boinking Trevor – I think we need to bring her momma over from Italy. Of course you know who would be perfect in the role: Cynthia (ex-Faith) Preston, with a dye job. How about it, PTB?

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Maybe you should focus on keeping your own secrets instead of digging up somebody else’s.” Stone Cold, you sure can call ‘em! Wise advice for your BFF, which means she’ll completely ignore it.

Why, oh why didn’t they have Logan yell, “Honey, I’m home!” after he chopped his way through Johnny’s apartment door? What a missed opportunity to pay homage to Jack Nicholson in The Shining, especially since Lulu, like Shelley Duvall, was laying in wait for him with a kitchen knife! Too bad there wasn’t a handy walk-in refrigerator for her to lock him in. Oh, wait, that’s also a memory of Scooby summers of the past! (Remember Alcazar’s niece, Sage, in the Quartermaine walk-in?)

Speaking of Scoobies, reference the opening paragraph of this column. Okay, now, let’s talk about what’s going to happen after Lulu offs Logan (in self-defense AFTER he attacked the Police Commissioner’s niece). Obviously, the Scoobies are going to do exactly what we expect of them, particularly with the summer sun frying their barely-developed brains: plant the body and run. (Hey, remember Dead Ted in the freezer?)

SNAP! Here’s a Kate Howard photo she’s going to want to bury. Too bad for her it’s already been posted on the Internet and Spinelli has shown it to Carly. She’ll be even more determined to dig up more dirt on Ms. Howard and splash it all over the print and electronic media. Look out, Connie!

LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I love you, Sonny. I really, truly do. I simply had a sudden urge to blow Jax.” No, Kate didn’t say that, but I wish she had!

Carly’s defense of her limo sex with Sonny versus the unforgivable sin Jax committed by kissing Kate (once) was nothing short of brilliant. Even Jason was stunned. Typical Carly logic to the nth degree!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS
Carly started out as a vengeful, lying skank when she came to town, determined to ruin her birth mother’s life (that would be Bobbie). It was Sarah Brown’s talent that made the character watchable and intriguing, even if you couldn’t stand her nefarious ways. Flash forward a few years, and the character of Carly has matured slightly, but is still willful and occasionally volatile. As played by Laura Wright, I find her likeable, if sometimes maddening. And now Sarah Brown Is back as Claudia, a vengeful, lying skank, but somehow, Brown brings some humanity to the character. I am more intrigued than repelled by Claudia, and I hope Brown’s reported one-year contract is torn up and replaced by a long-term deal. Wright and Brown are two of the finest actresses on the show and even better when playing against each other, now that the novelty of Carly the First vs. Carly the Fourth has worn off. More, please!

Comments

(Anonymous)

I would kill, I mean KILL, to have 10 minutes with Carly..The things I would say, then just slap the Sh!! out of her.

Seriously. I have yet to understand, number 1, why she and Jason are friends, and number 2 and 3...what do Jax and Sonny see in her?

If I had to guess......

(Anonymous)

love the liveupdate format & carly

First of all, I'd like to express my appreciation for the LiveJournal format. I'd love to see Eye on Soaps continue in this manner as I find the pages easier to read. I admit, however, that I am partial to the blog format. ADDED: Love this except that I can't seem to log on with my OpenID. *growl* I suppose I'd eventually have to get one for LiveJournal.com

@anonymous, I had a whole, long response typed out and then lost it when I tried to post. Basically, I said that Jason and Carly are both fiercely loyal to those they care about and non-judgmental of each other. They accept each other for who they are and would give their lives for each other. In addition, Jason likes to be the savior and Carly likes to be saved. It is a symbiotic relationship that works quite nicely for them.

The relationship between Carly and Sonny is pathological on many levels. I am glad that they are no longer together and don't want them together again unless one or both of the characters evolve. Don't get me wrong. I love both of these characters. Lately, however, I really don't like Sonny. He's shown an increased capacity to be an abusive ass who makes me want to vomit. As an example, I point out the way he has treated Spinelli, a character about as harmless as they come. I'm waiting for the day that JASON steps in and reads Sonny the riot act about the way he treats that kid. I firmly believe that Carly can do better than Sonny and has. Kate, on the other hand, is in for a very rude awakening one day.

Jax is a far better husband to Carly than Sonny ever was. Even so, I am not very pleased with the way he's treated her either. There are those who wonder what Jax sees in Carly. I wonder what Carly sees in Jax. He's handsome, debonaire, rich and somewhat stable. Note the word "somewhat." He packs his bags and leaves whenever he damn well feels like it. That's no type of commitment. On one of his disappearing acts--after Carly had begged him not to go--Michael gets shot and he's off somewhere unable to be of any real support. No, he didn't know that Michael was going to be shot, but he did know that his wife, for whatever reason, truly did not want him to leave. For all intents and purposes, he abandoned her and it wasn't the first time.

Jax is the kind of person people hate in high school. Things come easily to him. He's not the kind of person who experiences pain and anguish. Things get too hot and he up and leaves. OTOH, Jason, Sonny and Carly have all been deeply, profoundly hurt. They are each damaged people and can relate to one another on a level that is much deeper than Jax could possibly understand. Furthermore, if he knew some of her deepest, darkest secrets he'd leave her in a second. He and Kate are cut from the same cloth. They've never done anything "wrong" or "bad." They are the "good" ones. They are the golden children. No wonder Carly feels insecure about their friendship.

In conclusion, I'd have to say that Carly has a great deal to offer anyone as a friend or lover. She is a complex person who isn't all good and certainly isn't all bad. I'd say that those who care about her see who she is and accept her warts and all.